jennieinchicago

Oh, hai Stranger...

2009-06-02T21:24:35Z

It's been a while. There was too much whining and bitching and being sad and stressed here. It was time for a break.
Summer is coming, let's hope it brings some good times my way...

Clean Slate

2009-02-16T17:35:10Z

2009 you are really pissing me off. Time to turn it around.
Positive thoughts and fingers crossed.

Oh alcohol

2009-01-21T17:27:27Z

My tolerance has lowered from my lack of going out lately. This does wonders for the wallet since if I feel like drinking to get intoxicated it takes far less to do so, but what is not great is the fact that my body metabolizes it differently now. The last few times I've gone out I've awakened in the middle of the night in a sweat. Last night was pretty awful. At almost exactly 3am this happened to me, combined with a mild anxiety attack, and I couldn't get back to sleep for almost 2 hours. I just lay there stressing about everything in my life and trying to fall asleep and being anxious about not being able to fall asleep. I have some daunting tasks ahead of me, and everything that seemed simple is suddenly complicated. I think I'm just one of those people that is unable to relax and let life happen because I worry too much about the failure that could occur instead of the amazing rewards it could bring.
Blah.

Already a major bump in the road

2009-01-09T16:42:25Z

Keep your chin up and figure it out.

2009....

2009-01-08T16:10:40Z

is not the year of the Thinking, the Planning, the Stressing.
as my wonderful best friend David says, 2009 is the year of the DO.
cha cha here we go.

To Do list

2008-11-12T21:31:07Z

1. Get Shannon and Dan a rad wedding gift
2. Purge all the excess crap I have in my apt.
3. Purge all the excess crap I have in my life
4. Make a budget
5. Figure out what the hell these feelings are that just bubbled up to the surface recently and how I actually feel about them and the potential consequences
6. Get the new tat started
7. Hockey game
8. Beauty Bash
9. Use the restaurant gift certificates that I got for really cheap
10. Figure out what happens after May 31, 2009

Why I don't go out with the people I work with at the bar

2008-11-05T17:03:26Z

Work sucked last night. It was dead so we got out early, and one of the servers, Rob, is always up in my business because he likes me, so I told him if he bought my drinks I'd go out with him and Tyler. I met up with them at some bar to watch Obama's speech, and then we went to Chicago and Rush where another server, Aaron works. We had a drink at his place and then went out on the street to celebrate. We met some strangers on the street and took some funny pics. Everyone was having a good time. Tyler went and bought a bottle of Remy and chugged it and that's when things took a turn. He threw the bottle and tried to start shit with the people we met on the street, then promptly got arrested. Rob and I convinced the cops to uncuff him and that we would take him straight home. We got in a cab and Tyler starts running his mouth. Rob gets pissed and tells him to cut it out, and Tyler hulks out and starts throwing punches, 3 of which land on my nose. Awesome. I tell the cab driver to let me out, Rob follows me apologizing profusely for Tyler's antics, and I'm just sitting there on a bench at Wacker and State about to cry. So ridiculous.
So my nose is swollen and hurts like hell, but I don't think it's broken. Thank god I don't work for a few days because if I had to see Tyler soon I'd fucking lose it.

New York was...

2008-11-03T22:57:48Z

Amazing.
I feel recharged. Ready. I forgot what a different type of mentality was out there. I was reminded that some things don't matter as much as people would like to make them out to.
I forgot about:
how you can buy 2 dozen roses from the corner vendor for 10 bucks
fresh fruit stands
how much I love the smell of street meat
Ray's pizza
That it's ok to stay in on a Saturday night, or go to a movie by yourself and that isn't pathetic or odd
Ghetto jewelry stores
diversity
never paying full price because i'm a cute girl :)
sitting in a bar and hearing a half dozen different accents telling stories
that who you date (or whether you're with someone or not) is not the most important thing in the world
fire escape chats
tall as hell buildings within feet of one another
people everywhere, all the time
a subway system that runs 24hours
feeling at peace among all the chaos.

The only things I don't like is the insane price of rent and all those people who feel the need to carry their teapot dogs around with them everywhere.
June 1st kids. Might have to make a change...

And Emily, I went to 305 and Molly Wee and took pics. There's a bikini bar around the corner now where the awesome cheesecake place used to be!

I'm trying to figure it all out

2008-10-28T19:17:18Z

I'm feeling pretty good about it though.
I booked my ticket to go home for Christmas. Well, not really Christmas, since my brother has to work. I'm going out the night of the 19th and flying back Christmas eve morning. I really need to just see my family, Jessie, and Jenny (she's going back to NH for rehab there on November 3rd!!!!! her progess is AMAZING.). 6 days there though is going to be ROUGH.
I'm staying here for Thanksgiving, and will be around xmas eve and xmas. I'll probably work at the bar those days. Might as well make money, right? I can't decide about New Years though. I can work, get boozy for free, and make some good money, but have to fight drunks for cabs at 2:30am, or I can go to see the Lawrence Arms. hm. I haven't done anything awesome for New Years in a while, so I might request off from the bar, but it's tough and it probably means I'll work New Years day, which is torturous since it is dead and I'd be hungover. I got time to figure that out.
Eric and I got in a stupid fight last night. Sometimes it's hard being friends with your ex, even if you broke up two years ago. The fight was over and done within 2 hours. I'm lucky that he deals with my little juvenile fits well, and he's lucky that I deal with his flakiness well. He still on for being my date to Shannon's wedding next weekend, which should be a blast. And he goes off the Coumadin soon (he had a blood clot in his leg months ago and has been on blood thinners since- I tell him that he's like a 65 year old man) which means he can drink at the wedding. His tolerance will be, as he put it "that of a 98 pound sorority pledge." Hilarity should ensue.
I'm really excited to go to NYC this weekend. I told Lauren that I need to recharge my jackass battery. Every time I come back from the East Coast I feel refreshed, like my priorities have been straightened out. especially if I hang out with Jessie. David will have to do this time :) too bad he volunteered us to help his friend move on Saturday. In Queens. Bah. He says I don't have to, but that 'it will be fun.' Yeah, manual labor on vacation is a blast. I may take the day to go meet up with other people instead.
I had a real heart to heart with my mom last night about some family things. I guess my 21 year old cousin found a large mass in one of her breasts. She was infected with e coli when she was little so she always went to the same hospital in NH but just recently moved down to South Carolina. She's headed back north to go to the hospital that she's comfortable with to have them chek it out. The doctor she spoke to had her describe it and he thinks it probably isn't a cancerouse tumor, but they won't know for sure until she gets it checked out. Sucks. she went through a lot when she was little, so to have something happen again to her is just awful. Like I said though, we're hoping it's not too serious. Also, Mom told me about some shitty people that were trying to take advantage of my grandmother who is way too generous for her own good, and heading towards senility, so I got really pissed off. If I see them at Christmas, there will be hell to pay.
Then I talked to my brother and we talked about Dad a bit. My brother is again not speaking to him, because my father came to NH and blew my brother off yet again to go drink with his 'buddies' and hang out with his horrible ex. My brother wrote dad a 4 page letter about his alcoholism and the people he chooses to spend his time with. We've tried talking to him, but we just get sworn at, or told we're 'jealous' or hung up on, so this is really our only way of trying anymore. We talked about me writing one too and sending them at the same time. We'll probably get nasty voicemails, but it's hard to care about someone and allow them to slowly destroy themselves without saying something. He thinks I don't talk to him because I don't care, when in reality it's just the opposite.
I've decided that some friendships aren't worth saving. I've also decided that some friendships are.
And I've been dipping my toes in the water lately, but running away because it's so deep and cold. Now I'm going to dive right in ;)

So guess who I met this weekend?

2008-10-27T17:15:18Z

LL Cool J. He came in to eat before his show Friday night. He winked at me.
He's super hot in person, PS.

Intervention

2008-10-23T15:31:43Z

Babs and I were watching Intervention last night. We watched this episode about this guy who was around 50 who was an alcoholic. His drink of choice was Peppermint Schnapps (I know, wtf right?). He had bottles of it in every room, couldn't go to a family function where his sister allowed no liquor, made his daughter feel unsafe driving with him and also would call her mother to come pick her up early from visits with him, not to mention the physical things it was doing to him. Made me relate a lot. I just know that no intervention would ever stop the 53 year old man that I know, and that while I wish I could be there and just deal with the fact that is who he is, I can't watch someone destroy himself. I feel selfish, but I've also been called some really nasty things whenever I've tried to help. So I just stay away.
It also made me think when does drinking go from being ok to being a problem? Is it when you drink by yourself? Is it when you drink because you're upset about something and just need to be drunk to deal with it? Is it when you can't go out with friends for a night without blacking out or throwing up? Is it when you just can't face the day (or night) without a drink?
It's like having a parent with some horrific genetic disease. You are constantly monitoring yourself to make sure you aren't showing symptoms. And looking at other people you care about and seeing if they are showing symptoms too.
It's on my mind too much I think. It's just a path I wouldn't want to see anyone else go down.

my analogy for what it's like going back to work at the wine bar

2008-10-20T17:19:38Z

it's kind of like when you break up with someone, and then you reconnect a few months later. you remember the laughs you had, and those cute little things he or she did, and think 'you know, he or she wasn't that bad'. and then you hang out- and you remember EXACTLY why you broke up in the first place. yeah, this isn't going to be awesome, but i need the money and it's only supposed to be 2 shifts a week (too bad they scheduled me 3 and an on call for this week- qwighbrgiprhbibfejif).
also, i think a lot of us could really stand for a Re-do of this weekend.
and I am really sick of not knowing what I want. I know everything is going to be fine, but I just want it to be now.
Dave wants me to leave. Just pack up and go to NYC. I don't know if it would be a fresh start or an attempt at running away. He told me to schedule interviews while I'm there in 2 weeks. Then I had to remind him I'm only there for 60 hours, and I don't get into the city until 3pm on a friday. no go there. He wants me to give him my resume. He wants to pass it along to some friends. He wants to get me out of here. He says this city is too full of my hate, that I'm too unhappy here. That I need to go back to where I 'belong.' He might just want me in the same city as him, it might be his selfish need to have me around. Or he may be right.
Of course, Kasia and her entire family are trying to pull me to the other coast. They say they are my 'base' there. Whatever I need, they'll do it. They really are like a second family to me. Every time I leave them, I cry. I don't do that with my own family. While LA means sunshine and ocean and some really beautiful scenery, it also means a car and lots of fake and completely starting over. I don't know if I'm ready for any of that.
Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer. That I've just squandered years away. That I lack the ambition one needs to actually do something with her life. That I know I need to put myself out there and try things, but fear holds me back.
I don't know, but I do know that I'm not looking forward to another cold, windy, lonely winter here.

I saw this great quote in the book I'm reading

2008-10-17T21:02:34Z

"Memory blurs, that's the point. If memory didnt blur, you wouldn't have the fool's courage to do things again, again, again that tear you apart."

Here's hoping that memory sticks around.

I know I sometimes bitch about how backwards it is there...

2008-10-15T21:49:32Z

but this time of year I just really fucking miss home:
http://www.boston.com/travel/explorene/specials/foliage/galleries/reader_fall_photos?pg=15

It's been a bit

2008-10-15T14:58:52Z

Apple picking this past weekend was awesome. Catherine, Julienne, Catherine's friend Emily and I drove out to Woodstock. Holy crap, it's out there. It reminded me of going to college in the middle of nowhere Ohio. Cornfields and cows and water towers announcing what town you were entering (wtf is with that, anyway?). We picked a TON of apples because you pay for the bag and the bag was ridiculously priced, so we made sure to fill it. On the way home we stopped at a culvers, as I had never been to one. We got butter burgers and pumpkin shakes. We're like fat kids.
Sunday my show closed. Most of us went out after for a little bit. I ended up getting home drunk at 7pm. Pathetic. I passed out, literally, around 9.
Monday Babs and I went with her roommate Stephanie to get costumes for Babs' party this weekend. Mine was less than 4 bucks. That's what I'm talkin' about. Too bad the one Dave wants me to get for his party is 40 bucks. Ugh. I might just order it anyway and see what it looks like. It's not as trashy looking as some other costumes I've seen, but it's not my usual goofy costume either.
Last night Julienne and I made apple pies from the apples we picked. We baked 2 and we still have almost 3 dozen apples left. Oye. Time to whip out the recipe book.
Oh, and remember how I said the bar called me last week saying they 'desperately' needed me back? Yeah, well, I emailed and never heard back until yesterday, when I got a text that said 'hey lady, call me as soon as you get this.' so I did and oops, they put me on the schedule and forgot to tell me. I was apparently scheduled to work last night. Yeah, I told them I wasn't dressed appropriately. I'm working friday night, but only until probably midnight. I'll me you guys at the bay after.
also, check this, it made me LOL times a million: http://palinaspresident.com

jennieinchicago @ 2008-10-10T14:15:00

2008-10-10T19:48:23Z

My show closes this weekend. I'm ready. It feels like we've been doing it forever. It was fun, but it's time to move on. There goes my fickle nature again haha
I got a call from the bar last night. They need me back- desperately, and soon. So much for taking a break. Ugh I am NOT working more than 2 shifts a week, maybe 3 if they ask reeeaaaaallllll nice. And I need Sundays off. I need the money but I need to have a life too.
Apple picking tomorrow!!!

Word of advice

2008-10-09T15:08:19Z

Don't try and carry 2 big pumpkins by yourself. The next day everything will hurt. I need to work out I think. Ouch.
Caroline, Jen and I carved pumpkins last night while drinking pumpkin pie martinis and watching Ghost Hunters. Here's the martini recipe:
http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/mixed-drink-recipes/pumpkin-pie-martinis/article.html

but we used bailey's instead of creme de caoco because we couldn't find it at dominicks, so ours were white, not brown. Caroline bought little disposable wine glasses and the bottoms kept falling off and we all kept spilling it everywhere. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard.
We cleaned out the pumpkins and baked the seeds, but since caroline bought one of those crappy carving kits from the drugstore and doesnt own regular knives (who doesn't own a fucking knife?! weirdo.) we accidentally broke them and then gave up. Caroline currently has 2 cleaned out pumpkins sitting on her counter. Way to follow through, ladies.
I'm getting into the fall spirit. I forgot how much I love this time of year. Julienne, Michelle, Catherine and I are going apple picking in Woodstock on Saturday at this orchard that also has a hay ride and petting zoo. Too bad it's going to be almost 80 degrees and not sweater weather. I wish I'd done more things like this in the last 4 years I've been here, but there's no time like the present, right? I mean, going to the bar with friends is fun and all, but I kind of want something more than that, it's getting a bit old. Or I am, ha.
Oh, and when it starts actually cooling down, I'm going to whip out the crock pot I got for Christmas last year that I have yet to use. If you have good crock pot recipes, send them my way.

bulleted list of Awesome

2008-10-07T20:27:45Z

Going to Long Room with Caroline for beer, conversation, and the photobooth machine
Carving pumpkins, baking cookies and pumpkin seeds, and drinking pumpkin pie martinis tomorrow
The Red Sox being in the ALCS and watching it with Eric and his Bostonian friends on Friday
Going apple picking, on a hay ride, and to a petting zoo (ZOMGZ!) on Saturday
Closing the show on Sunday
Getting a haircut next week
Being asked to be babs' hot date to a work benefit in a few weeks where we get to dress pretty and dance our asses off
Finding a halloween costume that allows me to be a bit of a trollop while still being fun and original
Feeling generally awesome

RAWR

2008-09-30T21:20:21Z

ew, what is my problem today? I'm Moody McSucksAtLife. Dave has been trying all day to get me to lose the attitude and nothing seems to be working.

David: http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/

HOW ABOUT THAT

i'm also growing a mustache for halloween

me: this better not be porn

im not in the mood for nonsense today

David: i'm just going to stop talking to you

me: relax david

David: no you really suck right now

try to cheer and brighten your day and you just scowl

me: im the scrooge of the world right now

aws, i know muffin, and i appreciate it- i know, i suck

dont you just have days where it doesnt matter, you know nothing is going to make you happy?

David: no cause at the end of the day i still have porn

me: oh boys and their superficial ideas of happiness

god who am i lately? geez-us.
and keep your 'looks like SOMEBODY needs to get laid!' comments to yourselves. Fuck that. that's probably the last thing I need right now.
i just need to stop. everything.
game over. i quit. it's stupid anyhow.
tomorrow is nick's birthday. i get to spend time with people i miss and love. and who i think feel the same way about me.

and next week is pumpkin carving! with pumpkin pie martinis!

and i'm ready for the cold. i really am.

and here it is

2008-09-29T17:15:30Z

i don't know why, but seriously, every time i boo hoo or bitch about mundane things in life, the universe goes and smacks me back into place. damn google reader, making me feel like an ass again:
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/childhood_cancer_awareness_mon.html
ugh. i get pissy about having to pick some shit up, or do a project i don't want to, and this kid is dying of cancer and all he asks for is a fucking piano.
i'm such a selfish asshole sometimes.

I fucking hate everyone

2008-09-29T16:39:17Z

ugh seriously, I'd really like to have a Monday where I don't come in to other people's shit all over the place, machines broken and left for me to figure out, an overloaded inbox with other peoples' shitty work they don't want to do and just decide i can and should do it for them, and phone calls from ass cans that either have shitty attitudes or are fucking morons.
fuck you. seriously.
i need a vacation. or maybe just a nap.

I love getting awesome news

2008-09-25T18:22:07Z

My friend Jenny, the one who became paralyzed when she jumped off a boat in July, is going to be able to go home to new hampshire for a visit in late October. This is great news. She's progressing at an amazing rate. That girl is the strongest, toughest, craziest, most awesome bitch I know. I fucking love her. She reminds me that in the grand scheme of things, some shit just really doesn't matter, and if you think it does, you don't have your priorities straight.

Guess it's true: you can't turn a hoe into a housewife

2008-09-25T16:27:45Z

So I almost burnt down my apartment building last night. OK, not really, but I filled my apartment with smoke and the smoke detector wouldn't stop going off. Let me back track...
I had the night off and no plans other than a bit of grocery shopping. It's really hard for me to sit still, especially these days, so I decided I was going to be a little Susie Homemaker and bake some cookies. Well, apparently there must have been some food that spilled in the oven because as it was preheating it started smoking. I of course was in the living room and didn't notice until the smoke alarm started going off. I walk into the kitchen and it's smoke central. I lock the cat in my bedroom, open the back door, and set up the fan to blow the smoke out. All this while I have Katy Perry blasting too. My neighbors must think I'm crazy. So yeah, epic failure on that one.
Then I sat down to watch some tv and got interupted by the damn Prez (only 4 months left! woo hoo!). When he said 'despite all this, democratic capitalism is still the best system ever created' I decided to text the Marxist knowing it would get him fired up. He told me he doesn't watch 'that stuff anymore because it's all lies and speechwriter BS'. oh man. then he lectured me on how it was oxymoronic and blah blah blah. So I said 'Go boston!' since he is from Cleveland and we had just beat the Indians. He said 'okay, that last comment was unacceptable.' haha I don't know why, but I really like fighting with him. I'm such an aggressive person these days, yet I do it all with a smile on my face. It's not out of malice, I just think I've got my wall back up. Hopefully it won't take two years for it to come down again.
Oh, and I officially am going to NYC for Halloween. Dave bought my ticket the same day he asked me to come. I'm really excited. I need to get back to a city that embraces singledom, not to mention see the raddest person I know and the cutest dog ever. Too bad dave is an idiot and is currently in LA for that stupid reality show crap. Ugh.

"I want to quit my 50k a year job and become a militant"

2008-09-22T16:02:09Z

I really don't have a weekend. I work every day. It sucks. And it doesn't even keep me out of trouble.
Friday- show, then actor laundry. woot.
Saturday- slept til noon, went with julienne to some oktoberfest thing, then show. after the show i needed a drink. went to the bay, met up with the usuals, caused mayhem, watched a braugh make drama with some broads over who's face he was going to grab and who's asscrack he was going to fondle, then try and start shit with kevin. Jason would have none of that. It was rad. Catherine punched the Marxist in the ass and I got to find out what the mystery surgery a few weeks back again was, Catherine and Scottie were insane as usual and played the most full contact Big Buck Hunter ever, the Marxist proved once again how terribly odd he is, and a drunk Nolan stumbled around and made us all laugh a lot. Woke up at 11 the next day and had to fucking get my ass to the show quickly and change at work so that no one could tell i was still in the same clothes from the night before. Then during light check our board died. We did the whole show under work lights. AT A PROFESSIONAL THEATRE. oh well, the show must go on...? Anyway, I stayed after to do the laundry and then went home and chilled on the couch. Getting up today was super hard, and it's a busy week. Bday party tonight, babysitting over night in Bronzeville tomorrow, bday party on wednesday, show thursday, show and show laundry friday, show saturday (maybe out saturday night?), show sunday. BAH.
I can't wait until October 18th. I'm going to sleep all fucking day.

My best friend is both awesome and insane

2008-09-19T15:25:44Z

I love David. Here is why:

davidjohnmichaels: BITCHHHHHHH

what's up

if i give you a jet blue flight will you visit

buy my drinks and a meal and we are square

he's serious folks:

davidjohnmichaels: pick a day

me: i cant til my show closes

davidjohnmichaels: when

me: it closes oct 12th

davidjohnmichaels: nice

you can come for my halloween party?!

me: YES!!!!

davidjohnmichaels: great news then

go to jet blue andl ook at flights

<3 <3 <3

but he's also totally insane:

davidjohnmichaels: but i am a finalist in the arranged marriage show too

me: huh?

davidjohnmichaels:

have i not told you about this?

jesus christ

me: um NO

davidjohnmichaels: haha

me: you tell me NOTHING

davidjohnmichaels: google arranged marriage lifetime

me: WHO ARE YOU?!?!

davidjohnmichaels: do it

me: youre joking?

davidjohnmichaels: no

i'm not

hahahah

they are flying me to LA next week

i told them i want to marry an indian girl

me: what the hell is wrong with you

that is the worst possible idea EVER

davidjohnmichaels: lots of things

i think it's great

me: i hope shes fat and ugly and you HAVE to marry her

david, dont have a quarter life crisis on me

davidjohnmichaels: it's not a crisis jennie

it is not liek they can force me to get married

there is a group of 5 of my closest friends who will narrow down this girl out of 20 people they find for me

if she's busted...i walk

me: hahaha

davidjohnmichaels: it's in their best interest to find me a hot girl that i will like

they need a show

they follow me around for a year

me: a year of marriage, right?

davidjohnmichaels: well i hopefully will remain married

look man we both know how fucking picky we both are

i will never settle for anything less than a crazy indian woman

this is the only way to get that

Is it bad that I hope he doesn't get chosen? this has disaster written all over it. i want the best for my friends, and i dont think this is it.

oh, and also catherine emailed me this and said it sounded like I wrote it:

http://jezebel.com/5051963/a-guys-guide-to-not-getting-it-on

what a weird fucking friday.